Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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