Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
