when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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