i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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