Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
