I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
