I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
