Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
