Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
