Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
