So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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