I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
