i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize