did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
