you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
