The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
