in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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