And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
