He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
