He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
