I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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