why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize