She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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