and she was petting her beer can
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
