i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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