if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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