Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
