very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
