I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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