I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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