four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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