How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
