I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
