Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize