I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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