i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
