he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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