just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
