it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize