the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
