you would pick up someone in the library
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
