The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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