Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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