I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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