Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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