p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
