at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize