I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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