why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I want you more than these girls want KFC
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
