You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think my moral compass just broke
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
