Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
