I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
