It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
