btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
