Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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