its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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