When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
