Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
