Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
