yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
