yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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