We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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