I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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