My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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