Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
