Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
