Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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