You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
