I could make wine with my vomit
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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