i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
