im drinking this country out of the recession.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
