Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
