his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
