so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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