Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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