I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
