If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
