I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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