Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
