I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
