hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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