he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have tasted many bathrooms
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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