He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
