She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize