i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
