I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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