so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
