So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
