I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
