i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
